In my first post, I said that I wanted to help us learn to communicate better, listen better, develop that lost art of civil discourse, and a fascinating study by UC Berkeley professors “Latent Diversity in Human Concept” was featured in Scientific American: People Differ Widely in their Understanding of Even a Simple Concept Such as the Word ‘Penguin.’
It’s true, semantics matter. Even cultural differences and experiences can impart a different understanding of language, and even behavior can influence understanding during that language.
For example, several years ago I traveled to Greece with my then-husband, Don Schneider. We had our two little babies with us and it was a wonderful opportunity for me to share my homeland with him. He got an intimate look at how Greeks communicate and it was eye-opening, to say the least. We were in a cab trying to get to the Acropolis and the cabby and I were speaking to each other about the various routes we could take. He was telling me about the terrible traffic due to an assassination attempt on some political bigwig’s son and how that was screwing up his whole day. We discussed it a bit further trying to come up with a better solution to where he could drop us that wasn’t too far from the Acropolis. We finally agreed on a satisfactory destination and off we went. What my husband, who did not speak Greek, heard and saw was not a conversation about route strategy between two human beings, but a raging argument that made him anxious and worried that he was about to be involved in a scuffle to defend his wife’s honor. I reassured him the cabby and I were not at odds, that was just how Greeks talk!
I recall many walks with my Aunt Marlen through her Koukaki neighborhood and she would yell epithets across the street at a friend who would yell epithets back, thereby sealing their comradeship, love, and respect for the next decade. It was hilarious, and no American can ever understand that behavior without having it explained. Or maybe not even then.
My mother, a good Lutheran from South Dakota, was averse to any kind of loud verbiage and was conflict-avoidant to a fault. So when mom was mad, you knew she meant business, usually because a brush or a slipper would come sailing through the air with perfect aim. Sadly, she mostly swallowed her feelings and died with secrets and shame no one should have to have carried their entire life.
Communication. The word comes from the Latin, communicatio, which means a sharing or imparting. These are important components of Communication: Sharing. Imparting. How do we share and impart our ideas, feelings, dreams, or concepts with others if they cannot understand us? Even if we speak the same language?
If, as the Berkeley researchers discovered, concepts are as diverse as our fingerprints, how the hell can we Communicate difficult ideas, let alone what a penguin is like?
From the article:
psychologist Susan Gelman of the University of Michigan, who studies the relationship between language and thought and was not involved in Kidd’s study. “But maybe everything that gets attached to [words] is a lot more idiosyncratic and varied than we thought.”
We’ve all had that terrible breakdown of communication in our past where the line “What we have here is failure to communicate” from Cool Hand Luke, shoots through our minds. I’ll bet younger readers think Guns and Roses came up with it. :) Whatever works!
Perhaps by just being aware that we each speak a different “language” might help our idiosyncrasies in communicating more difficult, bigger ideas (human rights, climate change, who cleans the toilet this week) with each other. Because how is it possible that people who do not speak the same language can meet, communicate with hand signals and become friends, if not for the ability to pay attention, listen, observe, attempt to interpret the meaning of the other person’s hand signals (hand miming bringing food to mouth=are you hungry?), and have a satisfactory outcome?
The willingness to Communicate=share and impart ideas with Empathy, Compassion, and Patience, will make a huge difference for us all. It will not be 100%, but it will be something. You never know who you might learn from, or be able to reach in exchange.
P.S.
Thank you to all my lov
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This is why visual communication is so important, and so dangerous.
As for Americans not understanding the Greeks...a New Yorker would feel right at home.
Wow, living in Greece sounds like a great lesson in how to be assertive! When I was married to my ex, she would scream hateful words at me, then I would overhear her telling someone about our “conversation”, and she would relate how she “asked” or “told” me something. I was astonished!